Everybody Free

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The

long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the

rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering

experienc e�� will dispense this advice now.


Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh, never mind; you will not

understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust

me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you

can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you

really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.


Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective

as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles

in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the

kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.


Do one thing everyday that scares you


Sing


Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are

reckless with yours.


Floss


Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re

behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.


Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in

doing this, tell me how.


Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.


Stretch


Don�� feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the

most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with

their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.


Get plenty of calcium.


Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.


Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you

won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on

your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself

too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are

everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of

it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever

own.


Dance…e v if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.


Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.


Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.


Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.


Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people

most likely to stick with you in the future.


Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold

on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older

you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.


Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in

Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.


Travel.


Acce pt certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will

philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when

you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children

respected their elders.


Respect your elders.


Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe

you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.


Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you’re 40, it will look 85.


Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from

the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than

it’s worth.


But trust me on the sunscreen…